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For some of us, having a child is like the scene in the movie Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Something happens and there is a shock wave that ripples across the city while Spider-Man tumbles from one universe into the next universe.
This is sort of what it is like, one moment you are a simple person waiting for the next moment to unfold. Then in one breath, there is a cry that seems like it can be heard across the entire hospital, you look down at this beautiful, amazing creature, then look up only to find that you have been warped into another reality. I like to call it the Father-Verse.
In the Father-Verse there are no guidelines, no manuals or rule books. I it is literally a world where you learn and adapt as you go. No right or wrong, just learning by intuition, dreams and hopefully more good than bad times.
When I first entered the Father-Verse, my hope was that one day my children would all be able to look back and laugh at me when they get older.
I had hoped that they would love me and have fun with me and at the same time. Or they would go against me and hate me because I am the most epic father.
This is not an easy accomplishment to say the least.
When I became a father it was almost like I was sent into another time and space with one single objective to be a better father than I had growing up. Of course I am not claiming to be the best father in the world by any means, but I have made a challenge to myself to be the most epic father I possible can be.
I have also challenged friends I have to push themselves and become the best father that they can be in their Father-Verse.
To accomplish this task we are given very few superpowers, one of our most powerful being the ability to love. The second most powerful is the ability to provide. And probably the most interesting of powers is the ability to protect.
Ok so comparing fatherhood to the superhero narrative does kind of seem outlandish. But in all actuality to our children we somewhat are superheroes. And as the saying goes, “with great power comes great responsibility.”
It is up to me to be to choose to be either the good superhero and not the villain. Although there could be many out there, I personally do not know of anyone who wakes up thinking they want to be a bad example to their kids.
This blog is about my journey into this interesting world of parenthood and the various things I have learned along the way. Hopefully you can learn along with me, sharing thoughts ideas and suggestions or just be a little entertained by the information provided.
Right now, I can tell you I do not know much about anything but I do know it is very difficult being a father or a dad. To me the terms are synonymous with each other so I respect whichever term you choose to put on it.
Disclaimer, I am not a licensed therapist or anything fancy like that. I can only speak to and by my experiences.
As such I would like to share with you what I’ve been going through in my quest to be the most epic father in the Father-Verse.
What is the Father-Verse?
It is a sort of parallel universe where fathers are considered to be the most awesome of people to their children. I joke about bouncing in and out of the Fatherverse with my children from time to time, because as a parent we often go through periods of unrest in our home.
Trying to teach our children what we feel is right and wrong despite the occasional objections.
It may seem cut and dry, but to me this is probably the most difficult objective of being a father. So I wrote down the following questions that I felt I needed to answer:
- How can I be a better father?
- What can I do to ensure that I have a positive impact on my children?
- What do I need to improve and be a better father?
- What type of father do I want to be?
- Am I going to be a loving caring protecting and providing type father?
- Do I possess some or all of these main characteristics of a good dad?
This helped me determine if I was going to to be a dad that is always around guiding, helping, participating in the development of my child? Or the type of individual that is never around.
The more I asked myself these questions, the more I realized that I needed to focus on myself a whole lot more.
I realized that I needed to create a loving supporting environment so that my children would have the foundation they need in order to accomplish their goals.
It was a very enlightening experience for me. It gave me true sense of awareness of what I needed to do. I searched the internet high and low for examples and answers finding this gem TedTalk by Hermann Jónsson
As in the experience of Mr.Jónsson, I had to change myself more than try to change my child.
In trying to to instill values I had to ask myself what did I want to teach my child what kind of example did I want to set for my child.
Only then did I realize that although I was more focused on providing for my child and learning how to do things for my child, the primary focus needed to be on me and the values I lived out in front of them.
Admittedly, I am not perfect. I make and have made mistakes with up and down days just like everyone else. I can talk about what has worked for me, errors I have learned from and what is worth sharing.
As the saying goes, take what works for you and throw away the rest.
Instilling good character and good values in my children would be difficult if they were watching me act in opposite to the values I reached. I had to go opposite of the the saying do as I say not as I do.
My quest to be the most epic father began nine years ago with my oldest child. I did not know anything about discipline I did not know anything about activities, I never played little league baseball as a child I didn’t do a lot of things that most people would consider normal.
My going up was quite hectic and in all honesty quite violent
As a result my primary goal was to raise my children in total opposite to the environment that I was brought up around. To break the cycle and avoid my child ever having to experiences all the negative things that I had went through.
Whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing I am not sure. I just knew that I wanted to do everything I could to provide the best childhood possible for my child.
Being on a very strict budget not having a lot of money I have to think outside of the box and be creative with how to plan my days.
Sometimes there was no planning at all. Sometimes I would just be spontaneous doing something in the spur of the moment just to burn energy.
Sharing my experiences and activities is what this website is about. Hopefully you will find something you can try or avoid and at the end of the day have a little more tools to utilize in your adventure throughout the Father-Verse.